Double Chivalry

“It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.”

 I attend a small college where this mantra is readily adopted—modified to fit the century, of course. Here we assume, “Every available bachelor must be searching for a mate.” Literally. All of them. Or perhaps even more appropriate, “Every college boy saddled with student loans must be in want of a wife (provided she too can add her own debt to the relationship).”

But seriously, or maybe unseriously, girls come to our little liberal arts school to study for their MRS degree. Don’t laugh. I too thought it was a joke until I arrived here. “Ring by spring, or your tuition refunded. That’s our guarantee.”

Before they renamed the little college, students teased about attending Christian Marritage College, rather than Christian Heritage. One of the student life directors used to joke that on the first day of new student orientation, we should line up all the boys and all the girls so everyone can have a good gawk and check out the prospects because that is essentially what happens the first week of school anyways.

There is an inherently awkward relationship between the two genders. Perhaps because of the assumption that every single man wants a spouse and, as Pride and Prejudice informs us, “However little known the feelings or views of such a man may be on his first entering a neighborhood, this truth is so well fixed in the minds of the surrounding families, that he is considered as the rightful property of some one or other of their daughters.”

But perhaps the awkwardness stems from a sort of gap we’ve created between the sexes. Maybe it’s just me, but often times, girls and guys don’t seem to know how to appropriately relate to one another in various social contexts. We either pretend a belief in the others' nonexistence, or the opposite occurs and we dance around giggling, “I think I like you and you might like me, so let us make utter fools out of ourselves.”

P&P does seem primarily composed of the latter option where women and men relate to one another around the marriage question. But I believe beyond the marriage estate, there proves a healthy and necessary way for male and female to rely on each other. Femininity helps to define masculinity and masculinity aids in the characterization of femininity. So why does it prove so very awkward to embrace chivalry and lady-likeness? Is there a way to be fully woman or fully man while single?

I was sitting outside our school library a few weeks ago when I played witness to an adorable occurrence. As three incredibly cute freshmen girls walked towards the double doors, a boy on his way out of the building pushed open one of the doors. Simultaneously, a young man on his way in pulled open the other glass door. The threesome smiled to the right and to the left thanking the courteous gentlemen. One of the young ladies raised a fist in girlish delight and cried, “Yay! Double chivalry.” One of the men smiled, the other chuckled a bit, and I melted right there in my seat.  

For the most part, Darcy and Lizzy interact with each other on an interest/disinterest basis. But when they re-initiate their acquaintance while Elizabeth is visiting his home in Derbyshire with her aunt and uncle, something different happens. Elizabeth sits alone reading the news of Lydia’s elopement until Darcy surprises her with a call. The gentleman becomes distressed by the lady’s distress. He attempts to assist her and then leaves to essentially do battle for her sister.

Questions about gender roles and distorted hierarchies have plagued me a bit this semester.  But the idea of protecting one another and extending courteous or even courtly attention--regardless of any romantic attachment--helps to fill the gap in the question of men and women’s relationship with each other. Whether male or female, we are each human, so it seems that the two should work together. The Darcy's of the world can open doors for the Lizzy's, and the Lizzy's can smile, appreciate and encourage in return.

Just this evening, another fascinating phenomenon happened on campus. One of the boys’ dorms staged a short evening of musical entertainment and service for any of the female students who wished to attend. Cute college girls replaced their finals week sweatpants and hoodies with dresses and heels. They were met in the hallway where two nicely groomed boys met each girl to escort her into the student lounge. Some girls writhed in discomfort at the attention while others gasped, “Awwwe” and soaked it all up. As they entered the lounge, a sign declared, “Welcome, Ladies.” And watching all this commotion, I cheered, “Yay for double chivalry!”